Holistic introverted Feeling (Fi-H) aka The Romantic in Relationships
Introverted Feeling is the dominant function for INFP and ISFP types. According to recent research by Dr. Dario Nardi, it can show up in two flavors. This post outlines the holistic introverted Feeling version.
In addition to my own experiences and interpretations, these are the resources I quote and/or reference:
Berens, L. V. and Nardi, D. (2004) Understanding Yourself and Others, An Introduction to the Personality Type Code, p.11 https://amzn.to/3Glt53J
Jones, J. H. and Sherman, R. G. (2011) Intimacy and Type, p. 48 https://amzn.to/47NHe5k
Jung, C. G. (1976 edition) Psychological Types (The Collected Works), p.354ff https://amzn.to/46CJGuy
Nardi, D. (2023) Decode Your Personality - Go Beyond Myers-Briggs With 64 Brain-Based Subtypes, p. 352ff https://amzn.to/3GoU6mL
Thomson, L. (1998) Personality Type, An Owners Manual, p. 39ff https://amzn.to/4a3mxEy
In this post, we’ll go from the broad to the specific, starting with the function, Feeling, and then the function attitude introverted Feeling, then the flavor, analytic introverted Feeling, and finally how it shows up in relationships.
This is our last post in the series! If you’re following more than one, you will note there’s some repetition, but in case this is the one and only post you follow, I want you to have all the information. So feel free to jump ahead.
My main references for this post are Carl Gustav Jung and Dr. Dario Nardi. Jung was a Swiss Psychiatrist who published his theory of psychological types in 1921, and Dario is a prolific researcher and author. He found evidence of psychological types in the neuroscience data captured by EEG assessments he’s been doing with people from all walks of life since 2006.
And in case we haven’t met, I’m Doris Füllgrabe, a certified coach with a masters in applied psychology, and I help people create happier, healthier relationships.
A few caveats before we begin, just to manage expectations and again in case this is the only post you follow:
1, these posts describe the functions in their purest state. Functions rarely show up in their purest state, as they interact with other functions and your brain is really active doing multiple things at any given time, like it’s regulating your body temperature and heart rate right now. So, you may not resonate with 100% of the description of this function 100% of the time, and that is normal.
2, these posts describe the function for this function type. You may not be this particular function type, which means this function may not be at the top or dominant in your consciousness. That’s ok, too, because it’s still in your system, you still have access to it, and paying attention to this function may help you recognize when it pops up out of your subconscious, so you can practice integrating it consciously.
The Feeling function is one of the two rational judging functions.
Rational, because it involves reasoning i.e. a process of reflection, and judging because it’s about making decisions.
The Feeling function helps us recognize shared values, consider other people’s feelings, and connect on personal levels.
It makes us empathic, merciful, and curious about human relationships.
It is adept at interpreting body language and tone of voice, committed to social and interpersonal responsibilities, but also relies on consensus and morality.
Dr. Linda Berens describes it this way:
“Feeling is a process of making evaluations based on what is important, where personal, interpersonal or universal values serve as guideposts. Using the cognitive process of Feeling, we engage personally with the information to decide according to the impact on people, appropriateness, harmony, likes, and dislikes. Weighing different values, considering ethical and moral issues, attending to personal and relationship goals, and having a belief in something all involve Feeling judgments.”
Moving on to the function attitude, introverted Feeling, which is the dominant function for ISFP and INFP types.
What follows are Jung’s words, and his language from 100 years ago is a little different from how we speak today. He’s quite male-centric, so uses he/him when describing all functions that aren’t Feeling types. He also uses the word “object” to describe anything and anyone outside of you, and “subject” to describe yourself, you, the person.
Like the other introverted functions, introverted feeling is also principally determined by the subjective factor. Jung says,
“it is extremely difficult to give an intellectual account of the introverted feeling process, or even an approximate description of it, although the peculiar nature of this kind of feeling is very noticeable once one has become aware of it. It seldom appears on the surface and is generally misunderstood. It is a feeling which seems to devalue the object and it therefore manifests itself for the most part negatively. it is continually seeking an mage which has no existence in reality, but which it has seen in a kind of vision. It glides unheedingly over all objects that do not fit in with its aim. It strives after inner intensity, for which the objects serve at most as a stimulus. The depth of this feeling can only be guessed - it can never be clearly grasped. it makes people silent and difficult of access; it comes out with negative judgments or assumes an air of profound indifference as a means of defense.”
I’ve quoted a long passage there, and I encourage you to read it again, because Jung gives a really rich description. But to rephrase and summarize, introverted Feeling often isn’t a verbal intellectual experience; it can be inner turmoil, difficult to describe, and you’ll know it when you feel it.
Where introverted thoughts can be discussed, introverted feelings need an artistic ability to capture their depth and complexity. And because it’s such a subjective personal thing, other people may not get it.
“devaluing the object and manifesting itself negatively” refers to the fact that reality tends to fall short of internal subjective dreams and wishes, so introverted feeling types most often feel disappointment. But even the they may not know exactly what it is that’s missing, it’s just that whatever is there is not right, or good enough.
Jung continues,
“if however the feeling is falsified by an egocentric attitude, it at once becomes unsympathetic, because it is then concerned mainly with the go. It inevitably creates the impression of sentimental self love, of trying to make itself interesting, and even of morbid self admiration.”
In other words, lying to yourself or dramatizing your feelings, like an immature person might be tempted to do to get attention, is likely to backfire.
As I’ve mentioned before, Jung attributes feeling functions to women, but there are plenty of ISFP and INFP men out there as well, so the “still waters run deep” applies to both. Jung says
“they are mostly silent, inaccessible, hard to understand; often they hide behind a childish or banal mask, and their temperament is inclined to melancholy. They neither shine nor reveal themselves. Their outward demeanor is harmonious, inconspicuous, giving an impression of pleasing repose, or of sympathetic response, with no desire to affect others, to impress, influence, or change them in any way. Although there is a constant readiness for peaceful and harmonious co-existence, strangers are shown no touch of amiability, no gleam of responsive warmth, but are met with apparent indifference or a repelling coldness. Often they are made to feel entirely superfluous. As far as possible, the feeling relationship is kept to the safe middle path, all intemperate passions being resolutely tabooed.”
Jung also says that it’s not that this type has no feeling, it’s that it’s more intensive than extensive, so more depth than breadth. They feel things more passionately and are more moved, and all of that processing happens on the inside, so they look unaffected, but a lot is happening underneath. Which as he puts it can give these types
“a sort of stifling or oppressive feeling which holds everybody around her under a spell. It gives a woman of this type a mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.”
So much for the function and the function attitude, now we’re moving into the flavor.
The holistic flavor is focused on getting input and going with the flow. It’s more open ended, and looks like patience and relaxation.
That’s not to say it’s flaky, it considers all aspects at once, which allows it to connect ideas in fresh and new ways.
Its approach is bottom-up, open to discovery and synergy, wherever the data might lead.
People of this style like to find new tools and solutions, and are so aware of their biases they might lack the confidence to make a change.
The style is often more auditory.
It pays attention to how things are said, but also ethics, intentions, and emotions.
Thinking is often figurative and might focus on identity and values, and they often describe using metaphors.
In business, it’s more comfortable with an egalitarian and collaborative approach.
Likely careers for those with a holistic style include creative arts, social services, humanistic pursuits, soft sciences, and multiculturalism.
Dario calls the holistic introverted Feeling type the “Romantic”.
He describes them as “particularly existential,” saying these types “live a life of deep and quiet feeling, full of little leaps and small stories or moving moments, each with its own beauty or sorrow.” Crucially, nothing is forced while it is all being felt, and ideally, everything flows.
Romantics listen to and harmonize with all the different voices and feelings that come up everyday, and they try to be with all of them. So unlike their analytic siblings, it’s not one quest of nurturing one particular authentic sense of identity, more like pursuing multiple soft quests and subtly diverse identities depending on who they’re with and general context.
This allows them to flow with whatever comes up, and they make room for inconsistencies, for inner and outer conflicts. Since it can be hard to pin them down on anything Dario says they can appear as wishy-washy, because they follow their feeling and that can be quite, well, inconsistent. So overall, this type is more receptive and yielding whereas the analytic type is more righteous and focused.
As with all the other flavors as well, people of the function type often access both flavors at different points in their lives and careers, so Dario compared the analytic and holistic introverted feeling types to the daoist yin and yang symbol, where each half contains a part of the other.
Caveats for the relationship information:
Before we move on, quick reminder that all types can and do have relationships with all other types. Just like you wouldn’t hire an employee based on their type, you shouldn’t choose a partner solely based on their type either, because yes, it explains a lot, but people are much more complex than that. Still, type is the best framework I know to understand, and then bridge our differences, no matter who you’re with.
Also, to my knowledge, there is no reliable statistical research into people’s types and sexual preferences as yet, so what I suggest may or may not resonate. However, if you’d like to take part in such research, please email me.
in dating
You’re probably attracted to the romantic’s vibe. They’re easy-going, patient listeners, and unless you go against their values will be happy to hang and make you feel comfortable. They will be open-minded until they make a decision about their stance on a subject, and they can also be quite adventurous. Most of all, they likely have a genuine interest in connecting deeply.
Date ideas include poetry readings, singer-songwriter concerts, sound baths, or anything that facilitates a deep feeling experience or a soul-level connection.
in mating
romantics need to feel safe and accepted in every other room, before they can feel safe and accepted in the bedroom. Once the trust is there, they can relax into sexy experiences and feeling all the feels with you. I can imagine they might compare current partners to previous ones in terms of how they made them feel, or how close they come to fulfilling the romantic ideal.
As with other introverted types, sex may not be the most important item on the relationship menu, and as with all other types, communicating your preferences as clearly as possible will be helpful in co-creating a sex life you’re both excited about. This might include getting over the shame or embarrassment of explicitly instructing your partner how to use their tongue or fingers or body to please you, because they’re not mind readers, and otherwise they may not know.
in relating
as partners, holistic introverted feeling types are likely to be harmonious, agreeable, probably conflict-avoidant and generally happy to go along with whatever is important to you - unless it goes against what is important to them. As Jung mentioned their negative inclination, you might also find your romantic partner go through periods of disappointment or maybe even depressive episodes, if their hopes and dreams aren’t realized.
Over time and as you grow together, you may be able to become a bit of a mind-reader, and keep encouraging them to voice their needs. If their needs happen to be for more freedom, consider exploring open relationship configurations, or talking about how friendships might be called on, because it is actually unrealistic to expect one person to be everything for another person. Having to fulfill someone’s every desire can be exhausting and put a lot of undue pressure on couples.
And there you have an overview of this function and its flavor, again, a short post cannot describe all the nuances and individual idiosyncrasies - but I hope you have a better idea.
If you think you are a holistic introverted Feeling type, or have a partner of that type, I’d love to hear from you!
