Imagining a Better Future

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I'‘d like to share one personal update and a podcast/book recommendation, both intended to invite better-future thinking.

Sliding Scale Coaching

I have decided to run an experiment and offer a sliding scale fee structure for both the individual type consults and coaching (from $60 to $150), as well as the couples/relationships sessions (from $90 to $180).

This has not been an easy decision, because I had to weigh my desire to provide accessible support for those who want (and need) it with the implications for myself and my colleagues in the coaching industry.

Cons:

I work in New York, where coaching fees easily start at $3,500 for a ten-session package. Critics of going below that rate (as I already had been) have argued that

• I'm undermining the value coaching provides,

• commodifying coaching by encouraging a "race to the bottom", and that

• I might be suffering from a distorted martyr mindset where I don't believe those in helping professions should charge for their services.

Pros:

To that I respond,

• everyone has to run their own business as they see fit.

• I would contend that the majority of coaching packages are grossly overpriced and often don't deliver on the promises they make.

• I believe lasting change takes time, and a lower hourly rate might allow someone to continue taking advantage of coaching for as long as their process takes, within their allocated budget, without feeling rushed.

• I also have a suspicion that if you have thought about talking to someone to help you make the changes you want to make, and you don't live in a city like New York, looking at those prices is giving you sticker shock. So you buy a book and a journal instead, or talk to your friends over a glass of wine. Both are good options, but they are simply not going to yield the same results as actually making time to sit down and chew things over with a professional who knows how to ask the right questions and then holds a safe space for you while you explore.

Like I said, it's an experiment. Basically, I just want to coach people, because I believe in what I do. And I think I can do it in a way that allows my clients to receive professional coaching AND have money left over for the journal, which feels good to me. Do take a look, let me know what you think, and please share with those you think might benefit.

Question for you:

What has been on your mind that you would like to change or work on? What's keeping you; what's getting in the way? What would be the smallest next step you could take in that direction? Because - and I say this with so much love - no matter what you do, time passes regardless. Three, six, twelve months from now, you'll wish you'd started today. ❤️

​Recommendation

As for the recommendation, my esteemed colleague Katherine Hirsh sent this to me via LinkedIn this week, so I knew I had to listen to it asap: the pod is The Gray Area with Sean Illing, and the episode is "The benefits of utopian thinking" where he interviews Kristen R. Ghodsee, author of "Everyday Utopia: What 2,000 Years of Wild Experiments Can Teach Us About the Good Life".

She makes brilliant points all-round, but the ones that especially piqued my interest were around separating mating and child-rearing behaviors. She cited how the prevalent example of the nuclear family (father, mother, child) in the home, surrounded by their various possessions, appears problematic given the current divorce rates.

She goes on to point out that one thing the Covid epidemic has shown is the advantage of getting support from others, namely how quickly parents formed pods to share the responsibilities of child care. These pods not only benefitted the children, who received peer interaction and learning, but also the adults, whose romantic relationships were not put under the immense strain of having to do it all by themselves.

She goes on to cite various anthropological examples of other potential ways of organizing family life, how "it takes a village" also applies to elderly care, and I look forward to reading more about her research when I take out her book from my local library. 📚

Question for you:

If you could design your own utopia, what would that ideal world look like? Where would you live? Who would you live with? How would you spend your time? As you build your dream castles, pay attention to the critical or limiting objections that come up in your mind, e.g. telling you to be realistic. Who do they sound like? Acknowledge them, then keep dreaming, because if there are cognitive benefits in imagining the worst, then surely there are cognitive benefits in imagining the best as well.

My Utopia

Here’s how I described my idea of an utopian society; thanks Jeremy for encouraging me to share:

I loved this! You should share it, verbatim, on some sort of channel. Beautifully-written.

I'm sure others would enjoy reading this too:

I think my utopia is one of equality and equity, where compassion and self-awareness are taught from kindergarten, where gender roles and religions are explored from a place of curiosity, not dominance, and where society is organized around the human at its center, instead of around money. The sticky points are how to deal with those who exploit the system, or those who don’t play by the rules and commit crimes. How do you punish in a way to encourage a change of conduct? Whatever we’re doing now is clearly not working, and rich white people also land in jail, so it can’t all be down to your economic circumstances. I don’t know. I just know that we need realists and pessimists and optimists in equal measure.