Thoughts on breaking up… with Instagram
I was never interested in politics.
I always wanted to be the kind of person who would read a whole newspaper from start to finish, including all the high-brow segments smart people could reference so effortlessly. News, both local and international, business, science, books, plays, interior design, travel… alas, it was never to be.
And just like Bridget Jones started to accept herself once Darcy said he liked her just as she is, I, too, have long made peace with the fact that I’m neither political, nor a whole newspaper reader. (Insert movie clip where she’s vacuuming and trying to pronounce “Chechnyaaa” here.)
But then I moved to Dallas, TX, and learned - among other things - about racism, religious conservatives, and toxic masculinity. And then I moved to New York, NY, and learned - among other things - about capitalism, the patriarchy, and misogyny. And then 2016 happened. And then 2020 happened.
Now it’s 2025 and it’s happening again: so many humans think it’s ok to discriminate against other humans. The political right is no longer just the louder, more obnoxious minority, no. They have a propaganda apparatus at their disposal that would have made Goebbels blush. (To learn more about the intricacies and importance of media and a free press, reading https://substack.com/@carolecadwalla has been eye-opening.)
Apologies in advance for the next paragraph, especially if you belong to BIPOC or LGBTQIA+ communities, but I feel the need to spell it out:
I may not identify as political, but as long as I choose to live in a society, everything is political. Why? Because politicians make the rules and laws that govern the society of which I am a part. Short of becoming a politician myself and influencing the lives of others, I can only vote for those who promise to best represent my interests, hope they don’t get corrupted by outside forces, and live by my values. And when the rules and laws they make go against my values of e.g., personal freedom, feminism, equality, equity, and appreciation of diversity, I can participate in demonstrations, call my representatives, openly discuss my complaints, and reconsider the extent to which I choose to play along. (I’m still abiding by the laws, although many politicians no longer do.)
Ok, thanks for bearing with me and the, like, duh-ness.
One of the current rules to play the society game that I’m reconsidering is participating in social media.
Since I opened my account in April 2014, Instagram was there for all of the above; making me feel like I had a voice, like I was heard and supported. Like I had a place to go to escape as well as get informed. Like I was not alone in my anger and confusion. Like it was safe to show up as myself and try out new things.
For me personally, social media started out as a fun way to keep in touch with friends from my expat adventures, and make new ones - especially in the arts of lettering, calligraphy, and illustration. Seriously, those creatives are amazing and if you’re able to keep your feeds contained, that’s a lovely corner of the internet to be in.
As a solopreneur, social media participation soon turned not only into a chore (”I have to consistently post high quality content, or people won’t learn to trust me, every online marketing teacher says so”), but also a major frustration (”How am I supposed to keep up with the algorithm if they keep changing the rules?” - “Why am I spending precious time, effectively working for free, creating content for these guys, and then they don’t even show it to 90% of my followers?” - “Oh my God, I’ve wasted another hour just scrolling on this thing, half of it were ads, wtf am I doing?”)
This week, I’m getting ready to delete my Instagram. With the exception of two days last year when I tried to sell furniture on Marketplace (and promptly got scammed), I hadn’t been on Facebook for over a decade. I never really got into Twitter, Snapchat, or TikTok. Insta is truly my last social bastion, and I’m having feelings about leaving it, so I wanted to do what I tell my clients: slow down, hold space, and see what comes up.
There’s so much to enjoy. It’s great to unwind and see what my Brooklyn buds are up to! I can click on “Following” and avoid seeing those weird ads! I love all the British stand-up and puppy clips! Oh, remember when it was chronological? Remember playing with all the filters? Remember the feeling of connection? I want to take a moment to grieve for what it was, because for a hot second, Instagram was fun, amazing, and inspiring.
But I also know it’s been built (or at least bastardized) to keep my dopamine firing and getting me hooked so they can monetize my attention. And I can no longer ignore that I think their business strategies are evil (→ adjective, 1. Morally bad or wrong; wicked. "an evil tyrant." 2. Causing ruin, injury, or pain; harmful. "the evil effects of a poor media diet." 3. Characterized by or indicating future misfortune; ominous. "evil omens." Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 5th Edition).
So yeah, I think I’m done playing.
Had I put more effort in and been more “successful” on the app, it may have been even more complicated to cut loose, beyond the emotional level. As it stands, I’m trying to figure out the dilemma of wanting to be a part of this society, earning a living as a self-employed coach and trainer, while also honoring my values as much as possible. I no longer want to help certain companies to profit off of my time or insecurities, and I still need a place for potential clients to find me.
For now, I’ve landed on keeping my blog (currently hosted by Squarespace) and newsletter (currently hosted by Kit) going, and sharing any articles also to LinkedIn and Medium. I was considering Substack until I read about “Substackers Against Nazis” (https://www.thehandbasket.co/p/more-than-200-publications-join-substackers). It seems like Substack stuck to their freedom of speech argument, and many or all those who signed that letter are still on the platform. I’ll need some more time to figure out where I land.
So that’s where I’m at. Since I used to have Instagram as a space to publish personal stuff and not just “marketing”, this blog might become a little more colourful. Let’s see what comes up.
I’d like to close by saying that I am aware that social media is a business, and under capitalism, businesses have to do what they must to take care of their employees and shareholders. I get that in the current climate, even those businesses that used to be neutral may have to pander to the right so they can stay in the game.
I'm also aware that Instagram's parent company owns WhatsApp, which seems to be the communication channel of choice for most European individuals and businesses alike. Now that I'm back this side of the pond again, I'll do my best to introduce everyone to Signal.
I still hope that Squarespace, Kit, LinkedIn, and Medium’s leadership teams continue to work on moderating and fact-checking the content their platforms enable all of us to publish. As always, I encourage you to keep checking in with your values, reflect on how aligned your choices are, and experiment if maybe there are rules in some of these societal games you can opt out of as well.
That’s what building the life you want is all about, after all. Embrace your agency.
