4 Ways to Practice Loving Communication
Communication is a key part of a healthy relationship, but it’s not always easy to communicate in a loving way.
Many couples struggle with loving and thoughtful communication.
Loving communication can be practiced through listening, talking, body language, and daily habits.
Listening
Many couples develop habits such as tuning out the other person or nodding their head in agreement without listening. They may learn to ignore each other rather than focusing on each other during their conversations.
Here’s how to use the same conversations to strengthen your relationship instead.
How to show your love when listening:
Look at your partner when they’re talking. Make sure they know that they have your full attention.
Practice active listening. E.g. nod your head, say something in agreement, or ask questions to clarify their meaning.
Show that you understand. Sometimes a smile or a nod is enough. Other times you can repeat back what you heard and paraphrase.
Avoid interruptions. Turn off your phones and other devices while you’re listening to your partner.
When my husband and I went through a phase where I didn't feel heard, he said, "well, I heard you start talking about xyz, and the relevance flag just didn't go up for me, so I stopped listening." A phrase we now use in our household when I need to make sure my husband listens, is that I tell him "what I'm going to say is relevant," or "relevance flag up for this one, please." 🚩
Talking
The way you talk to each other has a huge impact on your relationship. From small talk to terms of endearment, your voice has power.
How to show love when talking:
Give small talk a chance. Not all conversations have to be deep and meaningful. Discussing a tv show or work is an easy way to start a conversation, and it shows you still care about each other's thoughts and opinions.
Remember to use loving terms or nicknames.
Say I love you. Many couples who have been together for a long time forget to say the actual words.
Avoid using hurtful and negative language. Don’t let anger cloud your judgment. Take a break or walk away to cool off during a serious argument.
The way you talk matters in a loving relationship. Ensure you communicate your love through your words on a daily basis. In our household, we always remember to say "thank you for dinner," or "thank you for doing the dishes" to appreciate our actions and just validate our presence.
Body Language
Whether you use your eyes or a smile, subtle things can express love.
How to show love with your body language:
Focus on the eyes. Do you look at your partner while talking, or are you staring at the wall or your phone?
Smile. Nod your head, maybe even hold their hands.
Face your partner. Point your feet toward them, and lean in a little bit. It shows you’re focused on them and involved in the conversation.
The way you hold yourself matters. If you're not in a position to give your attention to your partner, ask for a pause and give them a time when you will be able to be there for them.
Daily Habits
Whether you pour your partner the first cup of coffee each morning or fold their clothes a certain way that they prefer, daily habits in a relationship make a big impact.
Knowing your partner’s love languages helps, of course, so here are some specific ideas.
How to show love with daily habits:
Words of Affirmation: Say “I love you” out loud. Also, write love notes. Write them on post-its or send a text. Words have meaning, so be as direct as you can.
Quality Time: Make date night part of your schedule. Although that may not be possible every week, you can still make it a habit.
Gifts: Pay attention to what your partner likes, mentions, and has on their Pinterest or Amazon wish list. No need to wait for holidays or birthdays, or even to spend a lot. Showing that you saw something and thought of them shows love.
Acts of Service: Chores. Pay attention to your surroundings, and be proactive without having to be asked. Check the trash. Is it nearly full? Take it out. Check the dishwasher. Is it full? Run it. Is it clean? Empty it. Check the laundry basket. Is it full? Run a load. Not sure how to do any of those things? Google them. Same goes for e.g. filling up the car, or wiping down surfaces. Most importantly here, don’t wait to be asked. Apply situational awareness, pay attention, and take action.
Touch: Hug your partner. Do they look tense? Offer a neck rub, or massage their feet on the couch in the evening. Touch them when you talk. Be intimate. Kiss them and count to 10 in your head if you have to - no dry pecks here. Get your smooch on. When was the last time you had sex?
Your daily habits matter more than a big celebration for an anniversary. Add your own ideas to these. Find some habits that bring you closer together and make it a point to show your love every day in your normal routines.
To sum up
When you want to build a strong and healthy relationship with your partner, loving communication is a cornerstone.
Every word and action can be used to express love.
From daily habits to how you listen, you can use each moment to show your partner that you care about them.
Keep in mind that loving communication takes practice, so it may not happen in one day. Have fun as you practice and try new ideas together!
Over time, loving words and actions will become a natural part of your communication style. Your emotional bond will grow stronger as you show your love in these ways.
