The Sweet Spot that is 50

This is it, next week I'm unlocking level 50! 🥳

Turning 30 was wild and wonderful. My plan for that decade was to "stop playing" and "start taking life seriously."

In a word, LOL. 😂

Turning 40 was difficult and depressing. Thank God for cognitive therapy, creativity, and co-working.

In a word, Friends. 🍍

Now, about turning 50...

Did you see the meme about how what 50 looks like has evolved from The Golden Girls to Jennifer Lopez doing a show?

Source unknown to me, but would love to attribute!

I’d like to think I’m somewhere in the middle.

There’s only a bit of grey around my temples. My friend referred to them as race car stripes. (Yes, please.)

I can still get up when I fall, but don’t put myself in positions where I’d easily hurt myself, either.

I’m neither retired nor super-hustling.

Still happily wearing jeans and t-shirts with holes in them.

While I think turning 50 doesn’t mean what it used to (”grab your cardigans and your slippers, it’s only downhill from here!”), I totally support you if that feels like the right move. It’s not “settling” if you’re settling into yourself and who you are in this moment. I’ve had a bit of my own hermit season recently. Letting the world kiss your sweet ass while you tap out for a bit? Highly recommend.

And let’s keep it real: the physical changes that come with age are no joke. When your hips and shoulders stop doing their jobs, pain can be debilitating. Cardigans help. So do Körnerkissen (grain pillows, for the non-German speakers); you heat them in the microwave. Mine smells like lavender. But I digress, and hey, that happens in midlife! The brain wanders. Hence (brackets).

I’m also not on board with the other extreme. Don’t get me wrong, if you want to do the botox, pilates, surgeries etc., have at it. We need people like JLo to model what is possible, because we cannot be what we cannot see.

Still, it feels like we’re collectively in that pendulum swing from cultural invisibility to hyper-visibility. Understandably, because midlife has only been talked about in hushed tones for so long (if at all), the swing has to be extreme to register and gain momentum for a while. Eventually, it can regulate back to something more moderate. And that’s the middle where you’ll find me hanging out: replacing every other slice of cake with a bunch of grapes. Vigorously walking past the gym down to the waterfront. Scrolling on Substack instead of Insta. (Hey, repeat after me, there. is. no. always. perfect., only what's perfect for me in this moment.)

I love living in this body, in this time, at this age. I get to see younger women rising with more options than we ever had, and older women like Jamie Lee Curtis and Tracee Ellis Ross changing the rules from within. For me, it’s about adding voices to the conversation, expanding ideas of what is possible, to make space for everyone to find their own way. That’s really all I’m doing here.

So, if you’ve been wondering whether it’s time to start centering your wants and needs and pleasure, yes. You have permission to do that. You can absolutely stop playing games that no longer feel good, no matter your age.

Work out, or skip it.

Dress up, or not.

Rest and relax, or start a fire.

And if you’re looking for company, you know where to find me.

Dxx

Ok, couple of business notes:

I promised you a discount code for my Type Self-Discovery video and Love Profiles pdf, and here it is: valid from June 4th until June 11th!

BDAY50OFF

Since completing my EIRC (Embodied Intimacy and Relationship Coaching) and ATSIP (Assessing and Treating Sex Issues in Psychotherapy) Certifications, I’m stepping more confidently into offering support for couples who are experiencing desire differentials.

Frankly, sex (and money) are the two main relationship issues people have been talking to me about. I don’t do money, but if intimacy is something you’d like to improve, please reach out. I have a 12-week program in mind I’d like to run through with a handful of beta-testers. You can sign up here:

​https://www.dorisfullgrabe.com/coming-soon

Yep, pun absolutely intended.