Working with a Celebrant: How to Create a Meaningful Wedding Ceremony

Emily is a lovely person, based in Portland, Oregon. She and I met through an Altared event in 2020.
She interviewed me on Insta Live, and she offers vow-writing workshops several times a year.

by Emily Sterling

I was drawn to the work of ceremony and ritual because I recognized a lack of community through life’s biggest transitions. Coming from a secular family, I only saw birthdays, weddings, and funerals as celebrated milestones in life. But even those gatherings often rang shallow in a way that I didn’t quite know how to describe. I just wanted more. When I learned about the role of a Celebrant, a highly-trained secular officiant, I knew there was something there for me. Here was a role that acknowledged our communal need for ceremony, for ritual, for connection during times of transition. Four years ago, I started Rooted & Wild: Spirited Ceremonies, marrying couples from across the world in personalized, unique wedding ceremonies. It’s been a deeply rewarding vocation, as I work with clients who are seeking meaningful transitions into married life. 

What is it like to work with a Celebrant? 

As a Celebrant, I ask a lot of questions. I encourage my clients to reflect on their journey in love, from that first moment of encounter to the challenges they’ve faced to their dreams for the future. No detail is too small for my work because I find great inspiration in all of it. Love is in the mundane as well as the grand moments of your life. It is in the way you bring your partner coffee in bed on Sunday morning or the way your partner dances with the cats in the living room to cheer you up. This is the tapestry of life and love as it unfolds. The wedding ceremony then becomes a portal into marriage. It is a moment to pause, to reflect, to speak intentionally and have a community witness your journey and commitments, and then to celebrate the brave and beautiful work of marriage. 

This is what I love most about my work as a Celebrant. The opportunity to witness the details of your love story, to craft a ceremony that connects your community through laughter, tears, and joy, and to help you voice your intentions for the years ahead. The vulnerability and joy present at wedding ceremonies are rare and powerful catalysts for connection in our ritual-starved society.  

If you are an engaged couple and you’re not sure where to begin when imagining a wedding ceremony that honors your unique love story, consider some of these factors. If you need more support, consider working with a Celebrant who will be an experienced guide helping you navigate these questions as you co-create a meaningful ceremony together. 

Start with a feeling:

How do you each want to feel on your wedding day? Some folks want to feel buoyant and celebratory, while others may want to feel relaxed and contemplative. Is it a big party or an intimate, quiet moment? Don’t assume that you know what your partner prefers. Have a conversation and listen deeply. Can you find common ground that honors both of your wishes for your wedding ceremony? 

Pick a significant location:

Where are the special places in your relationship? Did you fall in love during that trip to the Oregon Coast? Is it the backyard where you proposed? Is it New York City or Italy or your living room? We all have significant places in our lives where things shifted in our relationships or momentous words were spoken. Make a list of these places or have a conversation about your memories of these places. Could you hold your ceremony in one of these locations? The location of your ceremony doesn’t have to be generic. It can be imbued with the significance of your love story. Even if it’s not possible to have your wedding in these locations, the conversation will likely be a sweet walk down memory lane sharing these recollections with each other. 

Discuss your priorities:

Before you chat with potential officiants, have a conversation about things that are important to you to include in a ceremony. Do you want to write your own vows? Do you want to have someone share a poem or sing a song? Do you want religion or cultural traditions included in the ceremony? Talk about why these things are important to you and listen deeply to each other. Bring these ideas to your officiant and be sure to hire someone who you click with, who listens to you and who honors your wishes. Your officiant will play a huge role in setting the tone for your wedding day and shepherding you through this significant milestone. 

The wedding ceremony can be so much more than a 10 minute cookie-cutter presentation that folks are rushing through to get to the open bar. It takes intention and communication (and a skilled Celebrant!) to craft a ceremony that honors your unique journey in love. In the right hands, the process is fun and meaningful, allowing you to enter into married life with clarity and connection.