Communication Styles 101
Last week, we talked about the importance of listening, asking open-ended questions and finding the right time to communicate.
Today, we’re going to explore more in depth some natural differences in how people express themselves.
Understanding the Role of Introversion and Extraversion
Most people think Introversion means being shy and withdrawn from others. This is not correct. Knowing the following characteristics will assist you in understanding why they are energized by their inner worlds.
Consider these characteristics of people with Introversion preferences:
Introversion means your mental energy is directed inwards, away from the outside world. You're more comfortable responding to stimuli.
Introversion means sorting through thoughts and feelings internally. Even if they’re the expert in a subject, they’ll take a few seconds to gather their thoughts before they speak.
Consider these characteristics of people with Extraversion preferences:
Extraversion means your mental energy is directed outwards, away from yourself to the outside world. You're comfortable initiating and engaging with stimuli.
Extraversion often means thinking out loud. This means they may begin their thought process with one idea and end it somewhere totally different. They’re not changing their mind. They’re examining their options aloud.
Two Different Ways of Making Decisions
Some major miscommunications occur because people look at life differently. We see it in politics, families, business, and religions. The source of the disagreement can often be identified as how priorities are decided, using objective, logical Thinking, or subjective, values-based Feeling.
You're probably using both depending on the context, but here are the main differences:
A person with Thinking preferences looks at the world and makes decisions based upon rules, laws, and social norms. Right and wrong is important to them. Objective logic and analysis helps them form systems and frameworks for reference. "Fair" means equal for everyone.
A person with Feeling preferences will make decisions based upon values and relationships. It’s not that laws aren’t important, in fact, social and moral standards most likely are. But it's their values and sense of harmony that informs howimportant something is. They evaluate situations and decisions based on subjective values. "Fair" means taking individual differences into account.
Communication challenges arise when one partner is discussing an issue from a values-based perspective, and the other is coming from a logical perspective. When each person believes only their own perspective is correct, hurt feelings, confusion, and frustration are common.
Instead of discounting the other person’s point of view, know that their perspective can add to the stability of the decision. If everything was decided on pure logic, the human element would be missing. At the same time, if everything was decided purely on individual circumstances or on how it affects someone personally, there could be no economies of scale or societal frameworks. The most creative and adaptable solutions often contain both logic and values-based elements.
Highly Sensitive People (HSP)
Not all communication is verbal. Body language and tone of voice also hold vital clues.
Highly sensitive people (HSP) are incredibly attuned to their surroundings. They easily pick up signals and energy from their environment, and people around them. As such, they might get overwhelmed in situations non-HSP consider 'normal.'
About 20% of people identify themselves as HSP. Of these, about 70% prefer Introversion and 30% prefer Extraversion.
When an HSP says they need to leave, they usually mean right now. They’re at a point where their anxiety level is high. When in conversation with an HSP, be sure they are calm and relaxed. Communicating with an HSP when they’re overwhelmed may result in misunderstandings and hurt feelings for you both.
On the other hand, some people have difficulty picking up on social or non-verbal cues. They either can’t or have difficulty noticing when someone is sad, upset, or anxious.
Don’t take it personally when they don’t notice you’re upset. You may need to verbalize what’s going on with you emotionally.
Summary
These are basic differences in personality which will affect how you share messages and how they are received. When you and your partner are different, it’s important to take more time in communication and working to understand each other. If you would like to go deeper into your and your partner's Type preferences, consider investing in Your Love Profiles.
Next week, I'll write about four different ways people talk to each other. Three are both common and unhealthy. One is a better choice.
Reflection
Do you prefer Introversion or Extraversion? What examples do you have from your life?
How about your partner? How are you alike, how are you different?
Describe a situation in which you and your partner can’t seem to communicate. Based upon what you’ve learned in this lesson, what do you think is causing the challenge?
