Keeping Your Relationship Special
Relationships usually begin with passion and excitement. As time goes on, and the relationship progresses to moving in with each other or marriage, that passion often decreases (and can even disappear.)
Does that mean the wonderful excitement and passion is gone forever? Happily, no. Here are some things to consider:
The Power of Making Your Relationship a Priority
A priority is something or someone you spend time, energy, and money on. That someone or something is important in your life.
If you’re unsure about the top priority in your life, ask yourself the following:
Who or what takes up most of my time? You may spend most of your time at work, but consider your motivation. Why do you work?
Where does my money go? Some people are great at saving money while others don’t know where it went. Pay attention to your spending for a month and see. Again, think about your motivation.
Who or what do I think about the most? Where does your mental energy tend to go? What you think about the most, especially when not at work, let’s you know what your greatest priority is.
When you keep your partner as your priority (and your expanded family if you have children), it’s easier to keep the passion going in your relationship.
But of course, the routine of work and taking care of shelter, transportation, food, and clothing will occupy much of your time and energy.
Forming a few habits or rituals to enrich your relationship helps balance that routine with keeping your relationship special. What do we mean by that?
Routines versus Rituals
Routines are actions which enable you to accomplish the necessities of life. These are the actions to get yourself going in the morning, making it to work, and ending your day.
Rituals are a type of routine, but they have a deeper meaning behind them. Rituals provide a specialness to your activity. Common rituals are found in spiritual traditions, family celebrations, even ball games and concerts.
When you establish a few meaningful rituals in your relationship, you reinforce the importance of your partner and your relationship.
Rituals to Keep Your Relationship Special
Here's where you get to be creative and have some fun establishing rituals for the two of you. The only ground rule is that they be meaningful for both of you.
Fun rituals which have provided excitement and intimacy for others:
A special greeting sets the tone and mood. Whether you do a happy dance and then throw your arms around each other or say, “Honey, I’m home,” followed by a warm hug, have a meaningful greeting for each other.
Winding down the day together and saying “Good Night.” Just as you set the tone of your time together, you want to make the ending of your day or time together special. A busy INTJ-INFP couple I know makes a point to have a chat and a foot rub on the couch before going to sleep. Another INTP-ENFJ couple I know asks, "what are you grateful for today?" and "what do you have going on tomorrow?" before going to sleep.
Spontaneous Gifts. “I love you” gifts and actions can brighten up a tough day and give a warm, tingly feeling - especially if that's your love language.
Hugs and kisses. While you may be physical with all your friends, reserve some special attention for your significant other. This can include kissing for at least 5 seconds every time one of you leaves the room, or having regular date nights.
Remember why you fell in love. This is for you. Make it a habit to remind yourself of the wonderful qualities in your loved one and be in a place of gratitude for them. This can be leaving sticky notes on the bathroom mirror, or texting sexy thoughts throughout the day.
Keeping your relationship a priority and demonstrating that priority by rituals of love and affection will cement and bolster your relationship. Make it a daily practice to remind yourself why you love and appreciate your partner.
If you'd like to go deeper, think about the following questions:
Reflection
What can your partner do or say which would be most meaningful to you?
What would be most meaningful to your loved one? Ask them to verify what you think. They might surprise you.
List the 10 things you love and appreciate the most about your partner.
