5 Tips to Navigate Money Challenges in Relationships

If you'd like to read more on the subject of money in relationships, read my post on Financial Fidelity here. 

What Is Money?

That may seem a strange question, but money is more than a paycheck.

Most people think of money as freedom, and power:

It enables you to purchase what you need to live a safe, fun, and fulfilling life.

In a relationship, it can also be a symbol of who has the power.

You and your partner can choose the role money will play in your life. You decide how it will be used. It’s a crucial choice and one that may critically affect your relationship.

Have Money Work for You, Not Against You

1. Think of money as an energy that you need to channel. You need to tell it what to do, not allow it to govern your life.

To have money work for you, work together to manage it with these techniques:

2. Create a budget. Making a budget “tells” the energy of money what it’s going to do for you.

3. Discussing money is a major challenge in many relationships. Use your communication tools like reflective listening to ease the process.

4. Be aware of emotional differences about money. Childhood issues about money and control tend to surface during discussions about money, especially if the two of you view money differently.

5. Most challenges about money are emotional. Remember to ask, “How old do I feel?” This will reveal the age these emotions are from.

The Biggest Challenges around Money

As wonderful as money is, when it becomes the source of control or self-image, difficult challenges can occur between couples and in families.

Unfortunately, the pattern of using money as power is exemplified in all of society. Make the choice to be different. Money can contribute to the strength of your partnership and family when your life with each other is based upon trust, mutual respect, and sharing money for the support of your family. Demystify it by talking about it. View it as a helpful resource to be channeled. 

With financial concerns, put the needs and well-being of your family and each other first:

• When finances are limited, sit down together and set your priorities.

• Have the mindset of “problem solving” rather than someone being right or wrong. If you both need time off and the money isn’t there for what you originally wanted, brainstorm how you can still have a vacation.

• Self-esteem issues can come up for both of you. That’s normal. Remember your worth as a human being does not depend on the numbers in your bank account.

• Using money as punishment or a means to control your partner is a dangerous practice that can lead to painful consequences. Consider hiring a neutral third party to assist in resolving this challenge.

Reflection

• What fears do you have regarding finances and your relationship?

• List your top 10 spending priorities.

• Review your list again and ask, “If I had everything above but didn’t have ‘this,’ would I be okay?” Keep doing this until you pare your list down to the top 5.

• What do you see as your partner’s top 10 priorities?

• Schedule time with your partner to discuss what you came up with and combine your findings.